Digression: The White Queen, Episode 3

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's dark and mean and witchy
Her rayon kirtle's itchy
About the Queen she's bitchy
It's Margaret Beaufort, EEK!

Edward: Warwick, seriously, WTF dude?
Warwick: Dam the Rivers.
Edward: No way. Where's my queen?
Warwick: Wouldn't you like to know?
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Isabelle: What's going on?
Warwick: How do you feel about being the queen of King George I?
Isabelle: According to Wikipedia he's not going to be around until 1714.
Warwick: Silence pawn!
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Margaret: Everyone should have their heads chopped off. Why, I'd do it myself.
Stafford: Steady on old girl! Not a very ladylike idea!
Margaret: It's not my idea. It's God's...
Stafford: Oh shite not this again...
Margaret: And God also wants Henry Tudor (that's HENRY TUDOR, redirects to HENRY VII) to become King.
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Edward: OI! GEORGE! DOUBLET OFF?! IN THE CARPARK?!
George: Aren't you confusing me with Richard?
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Isabelle: There are too many queens! And suddenly we care about the costumes being correct. I mean, only a queen can wear this kind of zip. I'm confused!
Anne: Let me try it on! *I'm* going to be queen!
The Countess of Warwick: No you're not.
Anne: Am too! You can google it later!
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MPs: Order! Rubbish! Where's the free ale? There'll never be a King George or I'm a German!
[Warwick glares, checks Wikipedia]
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Edward: Yo! Wife!
Elizabeth: Kill Warwick.
Edward: Can't.
Elizabeth: Must.
Edward: Shan't.
Frodo: Are we in Mordor yet?
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Isabelle: I don't want to be here.
Anne: It'll be fine. She hasn't got anything against us.
Jacquetta: CURSE YOU IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HISTORICALLY SUSPECT!
Anne: Uh-oh.
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Elizabeth: I know you don't like me.
[Warwick raises eyebrow]
Elizabeth: And looking at your doublet I can see why your castle has no curtains...
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Jacquetta: Choose your nylon monofilament line...
Elizabeth: It's a baby spoon! Will it grow up into an adult spoon?
Jacquetta: Hush, fool. And help me conjure up a storm.
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Jasper: There's a ruck kicking off!
Margaret: Yo! Husband, get stuck in.
Stafford: Oh God not this again...
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Margaret: Welles, you must lead God's army.
Welles: Oh lor! Oh crikey! But I've got homework to do!
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Omnes [kneeling]: Oh God, please help us...
God: ONE AT A TIME, FOR *MY* SAKE!
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Welles: Oh crikey! Oh lor! Oh your majesty! Oh -
Edward: Traitor [prepares to stab him]
Welles: But I'm the other Lord Welles! Look it up on Wikipediaaaaaaargh!
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Warwick: Right. Change of plan. Everybody on the boat...
Isabelle: But I'm 14 months pregnant!
Warwick: ON. THE. BOAT.
Isabelle: Boo hoo blubber panic...
Anne: But we've got the best cabin. [ship does somersault]
Isabelle: I'm giving birth!
Sailor: Ooh arrr, splice the mainbrace, low'r a tops'l, and don't skimp on ackerat dialaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargue!
Isabelle: Turn the ship's wheel!
Sailor: 'Aven't bin invented yet.
Isabelle: Bugger.
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Margaret: Henry? HENRY TUDOR, that is?
Henry: My lady?
Margaret: I'm your mother.
Henry: Really?
Margaret: Yes, definitely. I googled it.
Henry: Shite.
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Countess of Warwick: Anne! Get up there and get that baby out.
Anne: Eauw, gross.